I AM….


If we don’t have anything to mull over about the past and get caught in the cycle of guilt & shame mostly, laced with pride and satisfaction occasionally or think about future with worry, anticipation and hope, mixed with anxiety and fear sometimes – what have we got to say in the present moment?

Nothing really. Only experiencing remains – experiencing the constantly rising, surging and receding waves of thoughts – the waters of past and future.

5 AM…If I remain still and notice, I hear the crickets drone and the rooster from the neighbor’s backyard, the fridge humming, my neck bones creaking, my left shoulder hurting, the silence I am surrounded and cocooned in intercepted by the soft clicking of the keys on the laptop as I am typing these thoughts.

In this present moment silence, there is a recognition of my solidity as well as the fluid awareness of the ‘I’ that is making these observations quietly noticing everything – alert and present. There is no emotion in this state – only a deep calm interjected by next sentence rising in my mind to be penned.
I am aware of myself as well as my surrounds, far and near. My mind is trying desperately to create a particular chain of thought, but as soon as a thought is arising to a certain height, it is popping like a bubble. There is the recognition of a thought arising. I have nothing to say, nothing to worry about, nothing to look forward to either – I am quiet, calm and rested in this deep echo in my heart of “I AM” – that’s it. “I AM” is the only reality – anything added after the ‘AM’ is the drama that we play on the screen of this world.

“Is this a thought regurgitated from acquired knowledge?” asks my mind, unable to comprehend that it has no hold on me and not carrying me away.

“No!” says the Awareness. “I acknowledge your existence, but you, my mind, are in my control and I will only use you to continue to make you know that I am in charge. I decide when you can or cannot talk through your thoughts. I have to use you for me to know who I am, but I will use you with full awareness and not let you cover me like storm clouds and take over. You may have hopes, desires, wishes, worries, frustrations, fears and anxieties, but ‘I’ am not them.

“I AM…” – anything after that is you jumping up and down with your theatrics. My mind! I own you and not the other way around. I am the charioteer, you are the horse drawing the chariot at my command, in a direction and speed I choose, and so I will know and live in that recognition that “I AM…”

Who Is In Charge?


SDC10421

It’s 5 AM.  I am sitting in front of a blank page not knowing what to write.  I don’t want to do the usual – pour out the events of yesterday, nor do I want to write about what I have to do and how I am not doing it etc., so, what remains to be said – really? Nothing.

If we don’t have anything to mull over about the past and get caught in the cycle of guilt and shame mostly, laced with pride and satisfaction occasionally, or, think about future with worry, anticipation, hope mixed with anxiety and fear sometimes – what have we got to say in the present moment – nothing really.  Only experiencing remains – experiencing the constantly surging and receding waves of thoughts rising – the waters of past and future.

I remain still – I hear the crickets drone in the distance and the rooster’s wake up call from the neighbor’s backyard, fridge humming, my neck bone creaking, left shoulder hurting.  I hear the silence I am surrounded and cocooned in, interrupted by the soft squishing of the pen on the paper that I am writing on.

In this present moment silence, there is an awareness of my solidity as well as the awareness of the ‘I’ that is making these observations quietly, noticing everything, alert and present.  There is no emotion in this state – only a deep calm interjected by next sentence rising in mind to be penned.

I am aware of myself.  My mind is desperately trying to create a particular chain of thought, but as soon as a thought is arising to a certain height, it is popping noiselessly like a bubble.  There is a recognition of a thought arising.  I have nothing to say, nothing to worry about, nothing to look forward to either. I am quiet, calm and rested in this deep echo in my heart of “I Am” – that’s it.

“I Am” is the only reality – anything added after the ‘am’ is the drama that we play on the screen of this world.

“Is this a thought regurgitated from acquired knowledge?” – asks my mind, unable to comprehend that it has no hold on  me and not carrying  me away.

“No.” says the awareness.  ‘I ‘ acknowledge your existence, but you my mind, are in my control and ‘I’ will only use you to continue to make you know that ‘I’ am in control.  ‘I’ decide when you can or cannot talk through your thoughts.  ‘I’ have to use you for  me to know who ‘I Am’, but ‘I’ will use you with full awareness and not let you cover me like storm clouds and take over.  You may have hopes, desires, wishes, worries, frustrations, anxieties etc. but ‘I’ am not part of them.

“I AM..” anything after that is you jumping up and down like a drunken monkey with your theatrics.  ‘I’ own you and not the other way around.  ‘I’ am the charioteer, you are the horse drawing the chariot at my command, in a direction and speed that ‘I’ choose from now on, so you will know and live in the recognition that “I” the eternal witness –  “I” am in charge.

Is HOPE Whispering In Your Ears?


My favourite spot of reflection

Hope whispers in my ear that I needn’t worry about kids, family, money, health, future and even world.  “Don’t Worry..” she says, “I am here alive in your heart and carry you through your worries.  ‘Forgetting’ is the magic dust I sprinkle on you. As you sweetly slip in to your dreamworld, I whisper gently and promise that I will hold your hands through the night and fill your world with dreams that help you wake up fresh and bright eyed.”

As life started closing in with all its worries, I was not convinced of these gentle whispers of Hope and needed more assurances from her.

Hope did not give up and continued to whisper in my ear that

  • She is here to make the world a better place by inspiring people to have visions that will not shatter with their current realities,
  • She is the bedrock of all visions and
  • She is an angel from God installed in every human heart no matter how flickering she might be in there.

Hope told me to tell you

  • To not give up,
  • To hold on as all pain comes to an end,
  • That Hope cannot be kicked out so easily
  • That she will linger as long as you dream even faintly against your reality.

Hope is the sun shining even when clouds are covering it up.  She asks us to remember that just as we feel a guarantee that there will be sunshine after heavy rains, there will be Hope even as despair tries to cover us up.  All she needs is half an acknowledgment from us and she is ready to run with us, leading us.

This is what Hope told me today.

She says that she is the next breath of fresh air that enters you – all you need to do is to pause, remember and inhale her deeply and she will light that lamp in your heart.

So, please lend her your ear and she will fill you with most divine melodies that you ever heard.

As Poet Lisel Mueller says –

Hope

It hovers in dark corners

before the lights are turned on,

it shakes sleep from its eyes

and drops from mushroom gills,

it explodes in the starry heads

of dandelions turned sages,

it sticks to the wings of green angels

that sail from the tops of maples.

It sprouts in each occluded eye

of the many-eyed potato,

it lives in each earthworm segment

surviving cruelty,

it is the motion that runs

from the eyes to the tail of a dog,

it is the mouth that inflates the lungs

of the child that has just been born.”

Will you allow Hope to whisper in your ear? What is she saying? Can you hear her?

Remember,

Hope is the Oxygen in the next breath you take

Fill your lungs with it – you won’t regret. 

Pause…..Relax….Breathe….deeply and fully. 

Do not let despair take over and constrict your lungs.

Fill them with Hope.

Inhale ‘Hope’ the Life Saver.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

Inhale ‘Hope’ the Life Saver.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

What ‘Hope’ Asks of Me….


??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Hope whispers in my ear that I needn’t worry about money, health, kids, family, future and even world.  “Don’t Worry..” she says, “I am here alive in your heart and carry you through your worries.  ‘Forgetting’ is the magic dust I sprinkle on you. As you sweetly slip in to your dreamworld, I whisper gently and promise that I will hold your hands through the night and fill your world with dreams that help you wake up fresh and bright eyed.”

I was not convinced and needed more assurances from her.

Hope continues to whispers in my ear that she is here to make the world a better place by inspiring people to have visions that will not shatter with current realities, that she is the bedrock of all visions and that she is an angel from God installed in every human heart no matter how flickering she might be in there.

Hope told me to tell you to not give up, to hold on as all pain comes to an end, that she cannot be kicked out so easily; that she will linger as long as you dream even faintly against your reality.

She says that she is the next breath of fresh air that enters you – all you need to do is to pause, remember and inhale her deeply and she will light that lamp in your heart.  Hope is the sun shining even when clouds are covering it up.  She asks us to remember that just as we feel a guarantee that there will be sunshine after heavy rains, there will be Hope even as despair tries to cover us up.  All she needs is half an acknowledgment and she is ready to run with you, leading you.

This is what Hope told me today.  Please lend her your ear and she will fill you with most divine melodies that you ever heard.

As Poet Lisel Mueller says –

Hope

It hovers in dark corners

before the lights are turned on,

it shakes sleep from its eyes

and drops from mushroom gills,

it explodes in the starry heads

of dandelions turned sages,

it sticks to the wings of green angels

that sail from the tops of maples.

It sprouts in each occluded eye

of the many-eyed potato,

it lives in each earthworm segment

surviving cruelty,

it is the motion that runs

from the eyes to the tail of a dog,

it is the mouth that inflates the lungs

of the child that has just been born.”

Will you allow Hope to whisper in your ear? What is she saying? Can you hear her?

Remember,

Hope is the Oxygen in the next breath you take

Fill your lungs with it – you won’t regret. 

Pause…..Relax….Breathe….deeply and fully. 

Inhale ‘Hope’ the Life Saver.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

3 Enemies That Rob Your Health – Part 3


English: Indian curries
English: Indian curries (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

The third enemy of the 3 Enemies is a juicy and mouth watering one that tantalizes you with its thousand and one flavors available at your beck and call.

It is all around you. Without it life and living is impossible.

A good portion of the population live to do just that as another good chunk of the population is dying (literally) due to lack of that.  What is it?

You guessed it – it is CURRY. Well, when I say ‘Curry’ – I don’t just mean Indian, Sri Lankan or Thai curries.  ‘Curry’ here is synonymous with any kind of fatty, sugary, salty, spicy food and/or drink that we crave constantly.

Yes, we live to eat most of the time.  Our pantries are over flowing and girths ever expanding, whilst our physical health is dwindling rapidly due to life style illnesses that were virtually absent only decades ago – not to mention the resulting effect on the health in all the other personality domains.

There is advise streaming at us on the ill effects that excess food can cause.

And yet we ignore – I know I do.

I would like to connect the dots between the 3 enemies and show how they contribute towards dis-ease in all 5 Personality Domains.

Whichever way you look at it, the 3 enemies are connected.

Hurry causes Worry, whilst Worry can create Hurry.

Both Hurry & Worry can contribute to Curry (substitute with rich, fatty, quick, fast food that is empty in nutrients and high in calories)

Hurry leads to depletion of health in the Physical domain.  When you Hurry, you are not making time for important things in life like cooking  nutritious wholesome meals – so you reach for Curry. Curry makes you Worry because you know (deep down) the long term effects of it.

Worry robs health in the Mental and Emotional domains. When you Worry, your mental faculties are so preoccupied that you are unable to plan and execute things to your full capacity – that leads you to Hurry through and you grab a Curry.

Curry slowly and gradually depletes your physical health as well as your Social health.  When you Curry, you may gain temporary Social health (Friends, Parties, good food) but it will catch up eventually.  Lack of physical energy will reduce your social contribution.

The three combined cause severe gaps in health in physical, mental, emotional, social domains.  When you are struggling to keep healthy in so many domains, nourishing & nurturing your Spiritual Domain is the last thing you will think of.

Lack of nourishment to Spiritual domain leads to crisis that causes us to breakdown literally through dis-ease and lack of meaningful contribution.  We will neither Savor nor Serve the world.

Do you have to wait for dis-ease to arrive in order for you to wake up?

There is an antidote to the 3 enemies – but that will have to be another post.  Until then

  • Slow the Hurry
  • Reduce the Worry
  • Moderate the Curry

How are you addressing the 3 enemies? Talk to me…………

Leave comments or better still subscribe, so this will be in your inbox.

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

 

“3 Enemies That Rob Your Health – Part 2”


stressed and worried
stressed and worried (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Do you know what is the 2nd Enemy that robs your health? An enemy that is likely the biggest cause of most diseases from high blood pressure to heart attacks to cancers? An enemy that is our constant companion ”until death do us apart”

Do you know what it is?

WORRY – an invading, pervading, contracting, utterly debilitating and a totally unnecessary force.

From security of you to safety of your loved ones, from how you look to what others think of you and a whole range of things in between – mostly about your loved ones, you constantly worry.

Right now, amongst many other things, I am worried that I cannot write about Worry properly.

You really don’t need any reason for worry – do you?  You worry about worrying so much. You worry if you don’t have anything to worry about.

In the darkness of the night, when you are lying in bed fast asleep, worry arrives marching like an army band proudly displaying all its shiny brass instruments, playing same songs again and again without harmony, to the steady beat of the big drums that increasingly get louder with every beat , creating a cacophony of noise, drowning and sinking you.

The sizzling hot iron of worry in a cold night somehow cools down and melts like snow in the warmth of the day light. Worry gets blinded by the light and goes to sleep – temporarily, only to wake up again to play.

Why do you worry so much – knowing that it doesn’t offer any solutions, knowing that it doesn’t allow you to act.

There is mild worry like a dull head ache and there is chronic worry that causes anxiety and panic attacks.

What do you do about it – if anything?

Can you ever be worry free?

Yes, only when you are a mindfully mindless saint  or a mindlessly stiff corpse.

Anywhere in between, which is where we all are, we will have to accept that worry will be an unwanted guest that is irritatingly polite but stubborn in insisting that we need its company.

What do you do with it then?

  • You allow it to raise its head and announce its presence
  • You acknowledge its arrival
  • You tolerate its arguments
  • You don’t counter argue with it
  • You get compassionate with it and tell it that you know it is concerned
  • You assure it that you are doing everything you can about its concerns.
  • You breathe deeply and say ‘I understand’
  • Now that you have promised to address its concerns, you ask it to be quiet
  • You love it and make peace with it

In other words, you are not caught up in its story. You listen to its story like a mother listening to a child who is hurt and throwing a tantrum – with deep understanding and empathy, without judgment.

Remember Understanding leads to Adjustment – so you say ‘Yes’ to its presence, show that you understand its concerns and watch how happily it dissolves into nothingness trusting that you will take care of its case, so well presented.

So, in the middle of the night, when worry clings to you, stroke it gently and say ‘ I love you, I understand’ and ask its permission to release you from its grip.  Then, write down that worry/worries, on pieces of paper and deposit them in a drawer or even a shoe box labelled ‘Worries’.  A physical act like that is saying ‘yes’ to its presence, acknowledging and comforting it that you have taken an action and asking permission to be released.

It is a game, but you have to play it so Worry becomes a friend that is honest and loyal and intervenes only when necessary, not a foe that destroys you.  Hurrying the worry to go away does not help, it will only return with increased force.  Hurry also causes worry.

So, do you have any other tricks or tips to stop Worry to cause dis-ease?  Tell  me.

Visit here again next week for the 3rd enemy that robs your health.

Until then – don’t worry……..please

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

3 Enemies That Rob Your Health – Part I


 

 

“The old enemies of peace”
“The old enemies of peace” (Photo credit: elycefeliz)

Do you know you constantly battle with 3 enemies every moment of every day?

I know I do.  Those 3 enemies never leave my side.  They are my constant companions, whether I am awake or half asleep.

 

They tempt me from every corner.  They rob my physical, mental and emotional health.  They create a gaping hole in my spiritual health.  The more I give into those 3 temptations, the bigger is my loss of health in all the 5 personality domains – Physical, Mental, Emotional, Social and Spiritual.

 

The 3 enemies keep me on a roller coaster of thinking that I do and that I care, all the while tempting me to indulge because I can.

 

Growing impatient to know what they are? Any guesses?

 

Well, impatience is certainly not one of them, all though, it can be a result of one of them.

 

OK!! No more suspense – Here they are.  Ready???

 

The 3 enemies that rob your health are………………..(drum roll)

 

HURRY, WORRY & CURRY

 

It’s not a joke.  You read it right.  Hurry, Worry & Curry are the 3 enemies that rob your health.  Those are not my invention.  They are as said by Sai Baba.  All I am doing is trying to elaborate on them – one by one.

 

Enemy No.1 – HURRY

 

Hurry – robs me of my physical and mental health.  How?

 

When I hurry……..

 

  • I forget
  • I make mistakes
  • I can trip and fall and injure  myself
  • I am impatient
  • I am frustrated
  • I get anxious
  • I get irritated at little inconveniences

Result –

 

Love is a distant companion.

 

Truth tangos between little white lies and blatant lying to outright exaggerations.

 

Right Action and Peace jump out of the window due to anxiety and fear.

 

And – Mild Violence will be a happy comrade.

 

Yes, Hurry does all that and more.  Hurry keeps me in a constant flurry of activity and I collapse at the end of the day exhausted physically as well as mentally, only to start all over again the next day.

 

I hear you say – but we have to hurry to keep up, to do everything that we HAVE to do.  If we don’t hurry, life will run us over and shove us aside.

 

We have to hurry to…

 

  • catch the next bus/train/appointment
  • finish the next thing

Because, we don’t have time.  We are late etc etc

 

Hurry to catch up? does it make sense – NO.

 

But we do hurry – if not physically, mentally.  When we are a zillion miles far mentally, but physically here, do I need to describe the impatience, irritation and frustration that results in exhaustion, energy depleted and ultimate breakdown?

 

So, is there an antidote to this.  Of course there is.

 

I know you are hurrying to get to the end of the post, so you can find out what remedy I have to suggest.

 

Slow down………. I am going to show you the remedy

 

S L O W D O W N

 

Yes, that is the remedy.

 

Deliberately, Consciously, Intentionally  –

 

S L O W  D O W N

 

B R E A T H E – DEEPLY IN………………… EXHALE OUT LOUD (PHEW……………………….)

 

Sorry, if I am deliberate in writing this.  But the only remedy for hurry is slowing down.  Is that enough? Its a start.

 

We need to slow down physically as well as mentally and plan ahead.

 

Nothing new here but we don’t make time to do it because if we are not hurrying we are not accomplishing.

 

When our bodies are tired, we don’t have the energy to get up earlier than necessary, we don’t have the energy to plan ahead and so the cycle continues.

 

So, first steps:

 

  • Deliberate and conscious deep breathing will ease the hurry mentally. Meditation of course will yield enormous benefits.  But deep breathing is a start.
  • Planning as we all know, gains us time.  With easy breathing, plan the next day before hand.  This gives control and help slow us down physically.

The benefits of these will flow on to help with the other 2 enemies

 

Stay tuned for Enemy No. 2 – WORRY.

 

Now don’t hurry in your waiting for the next post – will you.

 

Until next week – BREATHE & SLOW DOWN

 

With Love and Respect

 

Padma Ayyagari