Who Is In Charge?


It’s 5 AM.  I am sitting in front of a blank page not knowing what to write.  I don’t want to do the usual – pour out the events of yesterday, nor do I want to write about what I have to do and how I am not doing it etc., so, what remains to be said – really? Nothing.

If we don’t have anything to mull over about the past and get caught in the cycle of guilt and shame mostly, laced with pride and satisfaction occasionally, or, think about future with worry, anticipation, hope mixed with anxiety and fear sometimes – what have we got to say in the present moment – nothing really.  Only experiencing remains – experiencing the constantly surging and receding waves of thoughts rising – the waters of past and future.

I remain still – I hear the crickets drone in the distance and the rooster’s wake up call from the neighbor’s backyard, fridge humming, my neck bone creaking, left shoulder hurting.  I hear the silence I am surrounded and cocooned in, interrupted by the soft squishing of the pen on the paper that I am writing on.

In this present moment silence, there is an awareness of my solidity as well as the awareness of the ‘I’ that is making these observations quietly, noticing everything, alert and present.  There is no emotion in this state – only a deep calm interjected by next sentence rising in mind to be penned.

I am aware of myself.  My mind is desperately trying to create a particular chain of thought, but as soon as a thought is arising to a certain height, it is popping noiselessly like a bubble.  There is a recognition of a thought arising.  I have nothing to say, nothing to worry about, nothing to look forward to either. I am quiet, calm and rested in this deep echo in my heart of “I Am” – that’s it.

“I Am” is the only reality – anything added after the ‘am’ is the drama that we play on the screen of this world.

“Is this a thought regurgitated from acquired knowledge?” – asks my mind, unable to comprehend that it has no hold on  me and not carrying  me away.

“No.” says the awareness.  ‘I ‘ acknowledge your existence, but you my mind, are in my control and ‘I’ will only use you to continue to make you know that ‘I’ am in control.  ‘I’ decide when you can or cannot talk through your thoughts.  ‘I’ have to use you for  me to know who ‘I Am’, but ‘I’ will use you with full awareness and not let you cover me like storm clouds and take over.  You may have hopes, desires, wishes, worries, frustrations, anxieties etc. but ‘I’ am not part of them.

“I AM..” anything after that is you jumping up and down like a drunken monkey with your theatrics.  ‘I’ own you and not the other way around.  ‘I’ am the charioteer, you are the horse drawing the chariot at my command, in a direction and speed that ‘I’ choose from now on, so you will know and live in the recognition that “I” the eternal witness –  “I” am in charge.

5 Simple Ways To Be Happy

Worry (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Are you rolling your eyes at the title? Probably….

Is this an overrated subject  – Perhaps…..

Does this sound like a formula – Sure…

Does it work – I think so, sorry, not think so, but I know so…

In a world that is so complicated, busy and overloaded with information, we need to make conscious efforts to not get carried away and lose our happiness and peace of mind. The Easter long weekend is a time to pause, reflect and consider the message of Christ.  Now, I am not a Christian and I don’t claim an authority on Christian Theology.  However, I do understand the simple message that Jesus had given to this world in how to live happily and peacefully.  As we all know, He was crucified today on Good Friday and He resurrected on Sunday.  Apologies to all Christians if I am not using the right words here, but in a nutshell, this is what I understand of Easter.

Whilst we know what Christ demonstrated through these acts, question remains, what personal message can we take from crucifixion and resurrection? How can we live that message daily?

What do we need to crucify and what do we need to resurrect?

We need to crucify our judgments, worries, anger, sadness, guilt, shame etc., all the negative qualities that bog us down and make us suffer.

Jesus demonstrated that we have infinite capacity to be compassionate and caring, that we are capable of forgiveness even as we are being wronged or badly done by, that we need not carry resentments.  Jesus demonstrated  that we are LOVE first and foremost and that all the other qualities that we struggle with are only acquired and can be shed like a worn garment -as easy as that.

We need to resurrect the qualities of Love, Truth, Right Conduct, Peace and Non-Violence that are inherent in us.

So on this Holy Good Friday and Easter what can we do to adopt the message of Christ?

Here is what we do….

Every time we hear a judgement coming, we say PASS;

 Every time we get angry, scared or worried, we say PASS;

Every time we look at something or someone, we say LOVE;                        

Every time we catch ourselves drifting into past or future, we say NOW;                  

Every time our brow is knitted, we say  CHEESE  & SMILE!!!!

If we did that each time, every time without fail, what is left but Peace and happiness?

Wouldn’t you agree that these are 5 simple ways that anchor us to the present time ?

Well, all good things in life are simple, we make things unnecessarily complicated.

What do you say? Agree or disagree – would love to know.  Please leave a comment.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari