I AM….


If we don’t have anything to mull over about the past and get caught in the cycle of guilt & shame mostly, laced with pride and satisfaction occasionally or think about future with worry, anticipation and hope, mixed with anxiety and fear sometimes – what have we got to say in the present moment?

Nothing really. Only experiencing remains – experiencing the constantly rising, surging and receding waves of thoughts – the waters of past and future.

5 AM…If I remain still and notice, I hear the crickets drone and the rooster from the neighbor’s backyard, the fridge humming, my neck bones creaking, my left shoulder hurting, the silence I am surrounded and cocooned in intercepted by the soft clicking of the keys on the laptop as I am typing these thoughts.

In this present moment silence, there is a recognition of my solidity as well as the fluid awareness of the ‘I’ that is making these observations quietly noticing everything – alert and present. There is no emotion in this state – only a deep calm interjected by next sentence rising in my mind to be penned.
I am aware of myself as well as my surrounds, far and near. My mind is trying desperately to create a particular chain of thought, but as soon as a thought is arising to a certain height, it is popping like a bubble. There is the recognition of a thought arising. I have nothing to say, nothing to worry about, nothing to look forward to either – I am quiet, calm and rested in this deep echo in my heart of “I AM” – that’s it. “I AM” is the only reality – anything added after the ‘AM’ is the drama that we play on the screen of this world.

“Is this a thought regurgitated from acquired knowledge?” asks my mind, unable to comprehend that it has no hold on me and not carrying me away.

“No!” says the Awareness. “I acknowledge your existence, but you, my mind, are in my control and I will only use you to continue to make you know that I am in charge. I decide when you can or cannot talk through your thoughts. I have to use you for me to know who I am, but I will use you with full awareness and not let you cover me like storm clouds and take over. You may have hopes, desires, wishes, worries, frustrations, fears and anxieties, but ‘I’ am not them.

“I AM…” – anything after that is you jumping up and down with your theatrics. My mind! I own you and not the other way around. I am the charioteer, you are the horse drawing the chariot at my command, in a direction and speed I choose, and so I will know and live in that recognition that “I AM…”

Who Is In Charge?


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It’s 5 AM.  I am sitting in front of a blank page not knowing what to write.  I don’t want to do the usual – pour out the events of yesterday, nor do I want to write about what I have to do and how I am not doing it etc., so, what remains to be said – really? Nothing.

If we don’t have anything to mull over about the past and get caught in the cycle of guilt and shame mostly, laced with pride and satisfaction occasionally, or, think about future with worry, anticipation, hope mixed with anxiety and fear sometimes – what have we got to say in the present moment – nothing really.  Only experiencing remains – experiencing the constantly surging and receding waves of thoughts rising – the waters of past and future.

I remain still – I hear the crickets drone in the distance and the rooster’s wake up call from the neighbor’s backyard, fridge humming, my neck bone creaking, left shoulder hurting.  I hear the silence I am surrounded and cocooned in, interrupted by the soft squishing of the pen on the paper that I am writing on.

In this present moment silence, there is an awareness of my solidity as well as the awareness of the ‘I’ that is making these observations quietly, noticing everything, alert and present.  There is no emotion in this state – only a deep calm interjected by next sentence rising in mind to be penned.

I am aware of myself.  My mind is desperately trying to create a particular chain of thought, but as soon as a thought is arising to a certain height, it is popping noiselessly like a bubble.  There is a recognition of a thought arising.  I have nothing to say, nothing to worry about, nothing to look forward to either. I am quiet, calm and rested in this deep echo in my heart of “I Am” – that’s it.

“I Am” is the only reality – anything added after the ‘am’ is the drama that we play on the screen of this world.

“Is this a thought regurgitated from acquired knowledge?” – asks my mind, unable to comprehend that it has no hold on  me and not carrying  me away.

“No.” says the awareness.  ‘I ‘ acknowledge your existence, but you my mind, are in my control and ‘I’ will only use you to continue to make you know that ‘I’ am in control.  ‘I’ decide when you can or cannot talk through your thoughts.  ‘I’ have to use you for  me to know who ‘I Am’, but ‘I’ will use you with full awareness and not let you cover me like storm clouds and take over.  You may have hopes, desires, wishes, worries, frustrations, anxieties etc. but ‘I’ am not part of them.

“I AM..” anything after that is you jumping up and down like a drunken monkey with your theatrics.  ‘I’ own you and not the other way around.  ‘I’ am the charioteer, you are the horse drawing the chariot at my command, in a direction and speed that ‘I’ choose from now on, so you will know and live in the recognition that “I” the eternal witness –  “I” am in charge.

Is HOPE Whispering In Your Ears?


My favourite spot of reflection

Hope whispers in my ear that I needn’t worry about kids, family, money, health, future and even world.  “Don’t Worry..” she says, “I am here alive in your heart and carry you through your worries.  ‘Forgetting’ is the magic dust I sprinkle on you. As you sweetly slip in to your dreamworld, I whisper gently and promise that I will hold your hands through the night and fill your world with dreams that help you wake up fresh and bright eyed.”

As life started closing in with all its worries, I was not convinced of these gentle whispers of Hope and needed more assurances from her.

Hope did not give up and continued to whisper in my ear that

  • She is here to make the world a better place by inspiring people to have visions that will not shatter with their current realities,
  • She is the bedrock of all visions and
  • She is an angel from God installed in every human heart no matter how flickering she might be in there.

Hope told me to tell you

  • To not give up,
  • To hold on as all pain comes to an end,
  • That Hope cannot be kicked out so easily
  • That she will linger as long as you dream even faintly against your reality.

Hope is the sun shining even when clouds are covering it up.  She asks us to remember that just as we feel a guarantee that there will be sunshine after heavy rains, there will be Hope even as despair tries to cover us up.  All she needs is half an acknowledgment from us and she is ready to run with us, leading us.

This is what Hope told me today.

She says that she is the next breath of fresh air that enters you – all you need to do is to pause, remember and inhale her deeply and she will light that lamp in your heart.

So, please lend her your ear and she will fill you with most divine melodies that you ever heard.

As Poet Lisel Mueller says –

Hope

It hovers in dark corners

before the lights are turned on,

it shakes sleep from its eyes

and drops from mushroom gills,

it explodes in the starry heads

of dandelions turned sages,

it sticks to the wings of green angels

that sail from the tops of maples.

It sprouts in each occluded eye

of the many-eyed potato,

it lives in each earthworm segment

surviving cruelty,

it is the motion that runs

from the eyes to the tail of a dog,

it is the mouth that inflates the lungs

of the child that has just been born.”

Will you allow Hope to whisper in your ear? What is she saying? Can you hear her?

Remember,

Hope is the Oxygen in the next breath you take

Fill your lungs with it – you won’t regret. 

Pause…..Relax….Breathe….deeply and fully. 

Do not let despair take over and constrict your lungs.

Fill them with Hope.

Inhale ‘Hope’ the Life Saver.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

Inhale ‘Hope’ the Life Saver.

Until next time

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari

4 Fundamental Desires……….. Part 3


Desire path on Monken Hadley Common
Desire path on Monken Hadley Common (Photo credit: Kake Pugh)

 

You want to continue your life perpetually, a burning desire to live, to leave a mark, to create a legacy.

This desire is entrenched in you and you don’t even realise it

Every activity you undertake, every thought you have, every memory you hold stems from this desire to continue.

Deep down you know that your existence on this plane is limited and you want to stretch that.

The Desire for Continuity is rooted in thought, memory and word.

Thought, memory and word are of time – time either past or time in future.

Time – It doesn’t show any bias to anyone, it dishes out the exact same amount to each one of us.

We have 24hrs at our disposal – never to return once gone.

In that 24hrs you experience your own self projections created from your thoughts, words and memories – there is no freshness in this and time is wasted.

When you make plans constantly and live in your plans – you are trying to create permanency.

When you watch excess TV, surf internet, chat constantly etc.,- you are trying to hold time still and create permanency, all the while realizing that it is fleeting from you.

Result – Hurry.  Desire for Continuity is the fuel for the Enemy of Hurry.

By ignoring the present moment, caught up in either future plans or fears of executing the plans, knowing that you have wasted time, feeling guilty, you hurry to catch up with the present moment – a moment that just slipped into the past.

So, you eagerly look to the future moment waiting to arrive – with bated breath, holding yourself in fear, worry – comforting yourself at the same time that the future moment hasn’t arrived and slip back into your activity.

You suddenly realise that the future moment arrived, not only has it arrived but it already slipped into the past because you only realise when it is gone, you feel guilty etc., and the cycle repeats.

You are constantly hurrying to catch up with the present moment that is just past and leaped into the future, arrived into the present and gone again.  The catch up game never ends.

Desire for Continuity – rooted in thought, word and memory – a total mind game.

How do you hold time? Can you hold time?

The obvious answer is NO.  So what is the solution to avoid the ‘hurry and catch up game’?

Put a Ceiling on Desire on how you spend time.

Instead of watching same news at 3 different times on 3 different channels, limit it to one and instantly gain an hour.

Instead of endless surfing on the internet, limit the time that  you spend on it.

Instead of subscribing to countless number of blogs that sounded interesting at the time, limit them to a couple that are most relevant to you

Don’t let screens take over your life – (says me, who spends most of her waking time in front of a screen – my laptop, but hey! I am alerting you to the perils of it – on the screen –  aren’t I?)

You would be amazed at how much time you would gain in simply being aware of how you are spending it and where you can gain it.

Just becoming aware of yourself in your surroundings, bringing yourself to the present moment constantly – not only saves you from hurrying, but also gives you a presence in your life.  You become alive, not caught in the mental gymnastics that your mind constantly engages you in.

Living in the present moment does not leave room for guilt, fear, worry or hurry.

When you are not hurried, you have patience.

When you have patience, you become loving and kind.

When you are loving and kind, you are healthy  not just mentally, but physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

Desire for Continuity is fulfilled as you are leaving a legacy of how good, loving and kind a person you are.

Same desire, two different results – all because you have decided to put a ceiling on how you spend your available time.

So what do you do with your available time?

You can work on yourself – creating a healthy you

You can spend it with your family – creating a healthy family

You can serve in your community – creating a healthy community

A healthy you, a healthy family and a healthy community creates a better world.

Think about it – all this because you decided to put a ceiling on how you spend your time.

Ceiling on Desires on Food, Money, Energy and Time –  is not about not having desires or not fulfilling desires.

Ceiliing on Desires is about recognising the excessive desires in these 4 areas that can take over our lives and then consciously putting a limit on fulfilling them, so we still enjoy those but in moderation.

The freed up resources of Food, Money, Energy and Time are then put to good use for the benefit of the individual, the family and the society.

Ceiling on Desires is a simple spiritual practice that is steeped in respect and love for oneself and for the world that one lives in.

Ceiling on Desires is a practice that is loaded with potential to create a loving, united and harmonious world.

Will you practice Ceiling on Desires?  I am………..trying to

Tell me where you can put a Ceiling on Desire on Time?  Leave your comments

With Love and Respect

Padma Ayyagari